Rumble in the jungle
by MLaw
Summary: Napoleon and Illya find themselves in a dangerous situation in South America. Originally posted for the PicFic Tuesday challenge section7mfu, Live Journal. pre-saga
1. Chapter 1

Helicopter blades whipped the air as the chopper circled, coming in for a landing along the river bank. Two men dressed in fatigues and each carrying small backpack slung over their shoulders, stepped from it, ducking until they were clear.

It rose back into the air, circling again and disappeared out of view farther down river.

One of the men was blond, and he removed his dark aviator glasses to reveal a blue eye, with the other covered by a black patch. His companion, a dark haired, handsome fellow looked about, frowning just a little as he took note of their surroundings.

Concertina wire fencing surrounding the compound, two guard towers and lots of armed men carrying assault rifles; it was little fortress in the South American jungle.

The two men were approached by a soldier and after exchanging a few words they were escorted to a small stucco building housing the office of the Commanding officer, Captain Raul Montes.

A balding, wide-nosed man wearing a khaki uniform that could have fit his rotund girth a bit better greeted his vistors with enthusiasm.

"Ah Señor Krueger, we meet at last," el Capitan oozed, offering his hand to the blond.

"Yes at last Captain," the man named Krueger responded.

"I must say Señor your voice it sounds different from on the radio."

"Yes indeed," the blond looked to his companion. "Long distance conversations can do that sometimes. This is my assistant Mr. Rodrigo. Anything you would say to me you can say to him."

"Yes sir...Señor."

"Please refrain from calling me that. My proper title is Doctor, or at least Professor," Krueger snapped at the man." Now where are our quarters. I am fatigued from journey to this God-forsaken place."

"Sí el Profesor," the Captain groveled. "We have quarters prepared for you both in the building that houses your laboratory. I hope you will find them to your satisfaction. "

"That remains to be seen in this hell hole," Krueger mumbled.

The two were led to their promised quarters in a nearby building, this one more sturdily built with a corrugated metal room.

Once alone, their shoulders both slumped as they relaxed.

Illya Kuryakin lifted the eye patch, surveying his personal quarters and looking for any sort of bugs. He located them, one in a potted plant and another under the lamp on the table near his bed.

Napoleon walked in, holding up a notebook for his partner to read.

"My room is bugged. Yours?"

Kuryakin nodded, pointing to a small transistor radio he'd taken from his duffel. Turning up the volume; he let it play a local station broadcasting salsa music...

"_El otro día caminando por la calle, Me encontré, un chivo Y el chivo me dijo a mí, Tú eres el elegido, Pero chivo pero chico, Eso no es conmigo, Chivo que rompe tambor, Con su pellejo paga, Y lo que es mucho peor, En chilindrón acab…"_

"Laying it on a little thick weren't you tovarisch?" Solo raised his eyebrows.

"The Professor is...was an arrogant man, I was merely keeping with his personality."

"Well take it easy, we don't want to piss any of them off more than we have to."

"If we complete our assignment, we will we be, as you say, pissing off a lot of people,"the Russian smiled.

"No time like the present I say. Hit the lab right now chum?"

"My thinking exactly. They do not suspect we are not who we say we are and the faster we act at getting the information; the faster we can get out of here."

They stuffed their pockets with the necessary explosives and donning their lab coats; they headed to the other side of the building, happily without meeting any resistance. So far it was smooth sailing until they entered the actual laboratory.

There at one of the work stations stood a young blonde woman wearing a lab coat and when the U.N.C.L.E. agents entered, she turned her attention to them...more specifically the Russian.

"Illya? What are you doing here?" She blurted out, covering her mouth after she said it.

Kuryakin's face flushed red as she rushed to him, giving him a hug and a kiss.

"Old home week tovarisch?"Napoleon smiled,"Going to introduce me to your lovely friend?"

"Napoleon this is Svetlana Popov….KGB."

"Charmed my dear," Solo took her hand, kissing it. "Hmm, KGB chum, I thought you didn't exactly have a friendly relationship with them?"

"And you are?" She asked pointedly.

"Solo, Napoleon Solo." He tried turning on the charm, smiling at her.

"Svetlana and I know each other from our training days. I chose GRU she moved on to secret police," Illya said.

"_Chto ty zdes' delayesh' _what are you doing here?"_ He asked in Russian.

"_YA mog by zadat' tot zhe vopros o tebe Illya_I could ask the same question of you Illya?"_

Napoleon watched in amusement as his partner rolled his eyes. It was nice to know he wasn't the only one who elicited that behavior from the Russian.

"I asked you first Svetlana," Illya smiled at her.

"Very well...I am here masquerading as Dr. Adolph Krueger's assistant. Now may I ask what you are doing here?"

"I am masquerading as Dr. Krueger; we are here to confiscate his research material and destroy the laboratory."

"You have captured Krueger?"

"Not exactly," Solo cringed," You see he's dead.""

That produced what sounded like a growl from the woman.

"_Chyort voz'mi_ dammit!" _Svetlana cursed. "I was supposed to complete the research with him!"

"That is not going to be possible and either way, we are taking his notes and research with us when we leave."

"Oh no, it is mine by rights Kuryakin. I was here first." She suddenly reached for a black book, but Illya promptly tried to snatch it from her. Within seconds the two were wrestling for it, engaging in a tug of war.

"Now now children, time to play nice." Napoleon pulled his Walther, hitting the girl with a sleep dart. Nonplussed, Illya held her as she slumped in his arms, and setting her gently down on the floor; he took the notebook from her.

"Time to set the charges," he mumbled, pulling a block of C-4 from a pocket in his field pants.

.

An unexpected voice forced the two men to an abrupt halt, freezing where they stood.

"Excuse me gentlemen but that will not be necessary," Captain Montez announced, standing in the doorway armed with a pistol in his hand. He was flanked on either side by two soldiers brandishing rifles.

"I think not,"Illya coldly replied.

"Doctor Krueger, or whoever you are. Surely you jest. I did a little homework after you arrived and discovered your ruse. The real Krueger is twenty years your senior at least, though the blond hair and eye patch were correct...you looked too young to be a man of such scientific accomplishments."

For some reason the Russian took umbrage at that statement.

"I will have you know that I earned my masters and Phd. in quantum mechanics by my early twenties…"

"Illya, don't waste your breath. This guy wouldn't know an educated man if one _hit_ him on the head."

That was Solo's signal. He had a plan, albeit an off the cuff one as always, but still a plan.

Napoleon drew a small glass orb from his pocket and threw it hard to the floor in front of the trio. It shattered, erupting into a thick cloud of red smoke, giving him and Illya the distraction they needed to fly into action.

After some strategically placed karate chops, Montez and his men were subdued without a shot being fired.

Illya set his charges and the timer, giving them a small window to escape. Between him and Solo, they carried the unconscious body of Svetlana Popov outside, where they were met by more soldiers.

"Uh oh," Illya muttered.

_"Rápidamente, se ha producido un accidente de laboratorio!"_ Napoleon shouted in Spanish. "_El capitán y dos hombres están todavía dentro_quickly, there's been a lab accident! "The Captain and two men are still inside!"_

The soldiers rushed in to rescue their Commander and compatriots.

While that new distraction was going on, the U.N.C.L.E. agents calmly but quickly walked, still carrying Svetlana, to a helicopter that had just landed.

Illya darted the pilot, taking his place after the Soviet operative was brought on board. Napoleon assumed his position in the copilot seat beside his partner and the chopper gracefully rose into the air at the hands of the skilled Russian. It circled and finally headed up river away from the compound, to a predetermined rendezvous site.

In the distance there was a loud 'BOOM, followed by several smaller ones. A bright orange and black cloud of fire and billowing black smoke appeared in the sky behind them.

"Went a little heavy on the C-4 didn't you?" Napoleon asked.

"I used a fair amount, but it was most likely the chemicals in the lab that added to the show. It was a rather spectacular explosion though, was it not?"

"Still, one à la Kuryakin," Napoleon grinned this time


	2. Chapter 2

Epilogue:

The rendezvous with the U.N.C.L.E. team was quick, given Kuryakin and Solo made it there in record time by stolen helicopter.

Their passenger was a small complication that grew into a larger one as Svetlana Popov came to, becoming a bit of a wild woman.

The Russian epithets that issued forth from her mouth even made Kuryakin blush, but his face became a few shades redder when the woman began to slap him repeatedly.

Illya grappled with her, grabbing her wrists and pinned her arms to her sides, and just as suddenly he kissed her.

Svetlana completely relaxed and he finally released her, allowing her to encircle her arms around him while she returned his embrace.

"I always wanted to do that," he whispered to her.

"I too, but never dared. Illya what am I to do? My mission is now a complete failure...thanks to you and your partner, I might add. Still all is fair in this business of ours, is it not?"

Kuryakin was relieved her ire had calmed, though he looked to Napoleon when she asked her question.

"Would you be interested in defecting?" Solo smiled with his usual charm. "Lots of perks in doing that."

"Abandon mother Russia? How could I do that...as you did Illya. How could you give up your home the way you did?"

"Ah, Svetlana you are wrong in that. I never abandoned our home. I was sent by GRU to work for U.N.C.L.E. I followed orders. It was a fair trade, an agent for information. The Command supplies GRU with intelligence, and they get me."

"But I was told you were a traitor."

"KGB demanded I spy for them within U.N.C.L.E. but I refused. Comrade Colonel-General Korabelniko Vladimirovich Chief of the Main Intelligence Directorate, told me when I was sent that I would do no such thing. * My assignment was to simply work for the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement as one of their agents and nothing more. I was not to provide any sort of intelligence or act as a double agent."

"I did not know that,"Svetlana bowed her head.

"KGB declared me a traitor for refusing to break my oaths...both the one I took as agent for GRU and for U.N.C.L.E. They have tried to kill me on a number of occasions for my loyalty to my word."

"How did you know I would not kill you Illya?"Svetlana stared at him.

He ran his fingers through her blonde hair, taking a stray lock from her face. "Because you have a good heart, you did when we were in training and I knew it was strong enough to stay that way, inspite of KGB's edicts."

"Lucky for you that you were right," she finally smiled.

"So what are we going to do with you?" He asked.

"I will not defect, Illya." In that she was adamant.

"I have an idea," Kuryakin shook his head.

.

Seven hours later, a small Soviet spetsnaz force, approached the smoldering remains of the camp in the jungle. There were bodies scattered everywhere, and among them they found the KGB agent, Svetlana Popov, unconscious and clutching in her hand the singed remains of a black notebook.

When revived, she told them the camp had been attacked by jungle raiders. What they were looking for or hoping to gain, other than stealing weapons...she had no idea.

She was told Dr. Krueger had been killed in a helicopter crash while traveling to the compound. With that event, her mission was apparently doomed to fail even before it began.

Popov was sent home to Moskva.

.

"Gentlemen" Alexander Waverly waved his agents to be seated. It had been a month since their successful South American operation.

"I have good news for you Mr. Kuryakin. Svetlana Popov was welcomed home with open arms, and received a commendation for her heroic actions against the attacking forces who assaulted the compound as well as for her courageous attempt, at the risk of her life, to save the scientific notes of Dr. Krueger," Waverly smiled at that.

"Yes, Soviet scientists will be disappointed no doubt, to discover the formula in Krueger's notes is not for a new chemical weapon. His mathematical equations, once the cyphers are cracked will reveal a new formula to treat adult acne." Kuryakin folded his arms across his chest in with a satisfied sigh. His idea had worked to save Popov from a firing squad and it would be their little secret to keep. Sealed with another kiss as they said goodbye.

Svetlana never asked him why he said what he did about always wanting to do that, and Illya never offered her an answer, nor did he as it of her.

"Well, at least there won't be any pimply faced people walking the streets of the Soviet Union if they make use of it….hmmm could be quite a little Capitalistic money-maker for them," Napoleon chuckled as did Kuryakin.

"Indeed," Waverly joined them in their jocularity.

As the partners left the conference room, Napoleon reached out, taking hold of Illya's arm forcing him to stop walking.

"So what was with you and Svetlana, you never did tell me?"

"And I never will. That is my business."

"Well you made it my business when you planted that kiss on her chum."

Illya huffed. "I suppose you are right. It was as I had said, Svetlana and I were in the same training class for military intelligence, and she opted to go to KGB instead. He brother had been killed by anti-government insurgents and she wanted revenge from what I recall. GRU would not give her the opportunity to root out such traitorous people as would secret police."

"Yeah, so what about the kiss?" Napoleon asked impatiently.

"I was always attracted to her, though I was sure she did not feel the same about me...that was it."

"That's it, you mean you had a crush on her and that was it?"

"What, you expected more?"

"Well yeah. I mean, if I see a beautiful woman that I want...I pursue her."

"Yes, as you remind me often of that fact." Illya continued walking, leaving his parter standing there.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He called as Illya turned the corner, and by the time he rounded it himself, he caught the Russian scurrying to make it into the elevator just as the doors were closing.

"Payback Kuryakin, payback," Napoleon muttered under his breath….

.

* ref "Last Goodbye"


End file.
